Unraveling Manipulation: Breaking Free from the Web of Words

Sri Kala | Dec 9th 2024

Words can be used to distract, manipulate, or shield. Sometimes it’s deliberate—political speeches, marketing tactics, pop stars sticking to their scripts. Other times, it’s as innocent as a parent telling their child, “Good job.”
What?! Good job?!?
Let me explain…

I’ve been learning so much from the school my son attends—how they communicate and how they leave space to allow my son to be who he is. Recently, I attended a parent meeting where they talked about why it might be important to think twice before jumping to respond with validating words like “Good job.” They explained how such phrases can be rooted in manipulation, stopping the process of growth and imagination.

Although I understood this, something about it didn’t sit right with me. I want to be the kind of father who encourages his child every step of the way. I want my son to feel that I have his back and recognize his wins—something I didn’t always feel I got as a child. So, as I always do before embracing a new teaching, I asked questions and meditated on it to see if there was something in it for me.

I began to observe myself when I said, “Nice,” or “Good job,” or “That’s amazing.” The first thing I noticed was how often I was being inauthentic. Most of the time, I didn’t actually think what he did was impressive—I was just saying it to make him feel happy. Wow. I was being inauthentic and, in effect, teaching him to be inauthentic too. As someone who teaches, studies, and practices authentic creative expression, this was a hidden gem.

Other times, I said “Good job” because I was busy and wanted to be left alone. I also noticed it was often an unconscious reaction because I wanted him to like me. I wanted him to feel I was really into him so that he would be really into me. It wasn’t about what he did—it was about me.

After being mindful of how I communicated with my son, I started seeing this pattern everywhere. I was doing it with my wife, my colleagues, my family—quick to validate someone’s experience, mainly as a defense mechanism. It was more for me than for them. “I” think what you’re doing is great.

I also realized that when I said “Amazing!” I wasn’t allowing myself to really see what felt good to him about the activity. Where it came from and where it was going. I stopped the process in its tracks with my validation. Instead of asking questions like: Now that you’ve landed that skateboard trick, what did it take for you to get there? What will this mean for your ability to move on a skateboard now? How did landing that trick feel to you? In his school, they recommended saying things like: “I see that you spun the board around and landed on it again!” Describing what you observe in the moment.

How does this relate to manipulation?

Manipulation can be good or bad, depending on the intention behind it. Great works of art are created through the manipulation of sounds and colors. The enjoyment of magic tricks is created through the manipulation of perception. Responding to my child with observations is a positive use of manipulation—manipulation in service to life.

However, manipulation can also be divisive when it arises out of fear. Nowadays, this kind of manipulation is increasingly obvious—narratives pushed through our screens to sway opinion, flashy clickbait titles taking over YouTube. It’s exhausting.

Can you read between the lines? Can you sense the corruption in flowery, well-architected words? Can you notice when someone’s words don’t align with what they’re feeling?

When Bill Clinton said, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” he was drawing from a deeply studied and rehearsed skill set of manipulation, hoping to mislead the very country he served. In other words, he wanted us to believe he was doing a “good job.” Only months later did he admit, “Indeed, I did have a relationship with Ms. Lewinsky that was not appropriate.”

How often do we find ourselves listening to someone, trying to piece together their words, while a little voice inside whispers, Something doesn’t add up here. Meanwhile, we expend so much energy trying to “understand” that we overlook the feeling that something else is going on.

I believe it’s time for “feeling through the bullsh*t” to become a basic life skill. Not only will our survival depend on it, but it’s also a building block for the next stage of our evolution.

The Superpower of X-ray Feeling

I want our kids to hear “Good job” and respond with, “What was good about it?”

When you’re on a sales call and someone says, “I don’t need what you have,” can you feel they’re just afraid to take the step? Or when you’re being sold something, can you sense the salesperson is steering you down a path that isn’t aligned with who you are?

When your partner is upset about the dishes, can you feel the hurt in their eyes and voice and know it’s not really about the dishes? It’s not about your lack of cleanliness—it’s about them having a hard moment.

I want you to have the superpower of X-ray feeling—a power that exists beyond words.

“You can only ever be free when you have escaped language—when you are no longer a victim of your own mental constructs and words. When the heart finally begins to speak, it organizes the words without you having to think about their meaning. The high frequency of the heart is what conveys the true meaning. The Ring of No Return describes a state of consciousness that lies far beyond words, even though it may use words as a means of vibrational communication. Arrogance, then, is a kind of addiction to words and language rather than the frequency of the intention that hides between and behind the words.”
—31st Gene Key

Escaping the Web of Language

How do you escape the web of language? This is where creative expression comes in. Having the right space to feel the energetic muck and put it down on a canvas, swing it out in a dance move, or translate it through your vocal cords to sing yourself loose. Spending time feeling and alchemizing emotions through creative expression gives you insight into how feelings become words.

This is the core purpose of Unravel Sessions—a space to express the truth of your feeling body and witness the feeling bodies of others. It offers deep insight into what a feeling body looks like in darkness and what it sounds like when expressing itself authentically.

Through creative expression, you can proactively face your fears rather than being controlled by them and, as a result, trying to control others. The journey into our shadow parts reveals our medicine. By allowing discomfort to coexist with our creative process, we soften resistance and open to deeper awareness. This practice turns shadow into light, chaos into clarity, fear into freedom, and dishonesty into intimacy.

This is the foundation of X-ray feeling—expanded receptors to take in the world. This is what gives your art life, attraction, and a nourishing touch when you put yourself out there. When your words and feelings align, they become unforgettable. You’re not just saying something—you are that something.

When this happens, people feel it. It inspires trust, invites them into your world, and makes them believe in something bigger.

Learn more about Unravel Sessions

For more resources on manipulation, see:
Gate 26 and 31 in Human Design or Gene Keys